The last two weeks of my life has been filled with overwhelming emotion. The beginning of last week was spent packing the rest of Summer's belongings and preparing to move her to Nashville where she is a freshman at Welch College. We are so very proud of her, and she is right where God wants her, but it is hard to let go. I spent Tuesday travelling and chatting and enjoying just being with her. Wednesday we hit the ground running as we tried to accomplish all of the tasks that needed to be completed while I was in Nashville with her. From Wednesday to Friday she got her two vaccinations that she needed, signed her Mary Kay contract (let her know if you need any new make-up), we shopped for the things she needed for her dorm room, we ate at Chick-fil-A (twice), we moved her into the dorm, she registered for her classes, and she ordered her books. It was a great couple of days.
Then, Friday night, as we were getting ready to go eat dinner with my aunt and uncle, the fun stopped. At eight weeks pregnant, I began having a miscarriage. I can't tell you how much I prayed that this would not be how we spent our last hours together before we said good-bye. Summer loved this baby and was excited. We had just spent time that afternoon talking about names. We had told very few people that we were expecting and now our baby was gone. My heart was breaking, and my husband was miles away. I was extremely grateful to have had my Uncle Sandy and Aunt Dari there with me. They found out the best place to take me, took me there, and stayed with me. They were such a comfort.
The doctor said that I would be okay to fly home the next day, and so I did. I had not had any pain at this point and was just ready to get home. I was thankful to make it home before I became uncomfortable.
A couple of weeks ago as we talked about announcing this pregnancy, we talked about the likely things that we would hear.
- Was this baby planned or an accident?
- How many kids are you planning to have?!
- Don't you know what causes that?
- There are ways to prevent that, you know!
- Another one?!
- Are you guys trying to be like the Duggars?
We have heard it all over the past several years. We talked about how we would respond. Even though this baby will never live in our house, I would still like to respond: We have come to believe that babies are not something to be planned and scheduled. They are a gift. Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." It is not about what I think I can handle or what I want. It's about what He wants and will give me the strength to undertake. We haven't always thought this way either. There has been a working in our hearts over the past few years that brought us to this point. It was always our plan to have 2 kids, maybe 3, but that was our plan. And no, we are not trying to be like the Duggars. We cannot imagine life without the children that God has placed in our home. They have taught us so much and have been an integral part of our ministry here. Two of them are even Canadian. What blessings would we have missed if we had made it about our plan instead of God's?
There have been several things flying through my mind in the last few days as we have walked through this painful process.
* I hate the word "fetus". Why can't they just say "your baby"?
* The phrase used here for miscarriage is "spontaneous abortion". Oh how I hate that word "abortion".
* There is nothing worse than looking at an ultrasound screen and seeing a baby with no heartbeat.
* No matter how many babies I have, I love each of them so much it hurts.
* It is not an easy thing to tell children that they have lost a sibling in this way.
* Miscarriage is a physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting and painful thing. It just plain hurts.
* I am blessed to have a family who grieves with us and values the life of every child, born or unborn.
* I am blessed to have children who want to do whatever they can to make my life easier and more comfortable.
* I am thankful for a husband who sits calmly by and holds my hand when I need to pour out all the thoughts and
emotions flying around inside of me.
* I am thankful for parents who are willing to drop everything two days after a move to come help me.
* While I am thankful for modern medicine and the fact that I have medical care, I despise waiting rooms.
* Most of all I am thankful for a God who is always present to comfort and give peace in the midst of the storms of life.
People never seem to know what to say during a time like this, so don't feel like you have to say anything. However, your prayers on our behalf would be greatly appreciated. That is all we really need.
The doctor said that I would be okay to fly home the next day, and so I did. I had not had any pain at this point and was just ready to get home. I was thankful to make it home before I became uncomfortable.
A couple of weeks ago as we talked about announcing this pregnancy, we talked about the likely things that we would hear.
- Was this baby planned or an accident?
- How many kids are you planning to have?!
- Don't you know what causes that?
- There are ways to prevent that, you know!
- Another one?!
- Are you guys trying to be like the Duggars?
We have heard it all over the past several years. We talked about how we would respond. Even though this baby will never live in our house, I would still like to respond: We have come to believe that babies are not something to be planned and scheduled. They are a gift. Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." It is not about what I think I can handle or what I want. It's about what He wants and will give me the strength to undertake. We haven't always thought this way either. There has been a working in our hearts over the past few years that brought us to this point. It was always our plan to have 2 kids, maybe 3, but that was our plan. And no, we are not trying to be like the Duggars. We cannot imagine life without the children that God has placed in our home. They have taught us so much and have been an integral part of our ministry here. Two of them are even Canadian. What blessings would we have missed if we had made it about our plan instead of God's?
There have been several things flying through my mind in the last few days as we have walked through this painful process.
* I hate the word "fetus". Why can't they just say "your baby"?
* The phrase used here for miscarriage is "spontaneous abortion". Oh how I hate that word "abortion".
* There is nothing worse than looking at an ultrasound screen and seeing a baby with no heartbeat.
* No matter how many babies I have, I love each of them so much it hurts.
* It is not an easy thing to tell children that they have lost a sibling in this way.
* Miscarriage is a physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting and painful thing. It just plain hurts.
* I am blessed to have a family who grieves with us and values the life of every child, born or unborn.
* I am blessed to have children who want to do whatever they can to make my life easier and more comfortable.
* I am thankful for a husband who sits calmly by and holds my hand when I need to pour out all the thoughts and
emotions flying around inside of me.
* I am thankful for parents who are willing to drop everything two days after a move to come help me.
* While I am thankful for modern medicine and the fact that I have medical care, I despise waiting rooms.
* Most of all I am thankful for a God who is always present to comfort and give peace in the midst of the storms of life.
People never seem to know what to say during a time like this, so don't feel like you have to say anything. However, your prayers on our behalf would be greatly appreciated. That is all we really need.
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